"Down, so let down, and down again. The doubt it takes you down another step"

I had a semi-epiphany today (which is an obvious contradiction, but what the hell). I realized that the path I'm on right now is completely and utterly fucked. I don't want to teach history or be a librarian or work in museums, I don't want to go be a lawyer or a politician, and I certainly don't want to try to find a job in the private sector so I can sit in a cubicle and waste away. The only thing I've ever really enjoyed is art. I switched majors because I didn't think I had the dedication or the talent to make it in the art world, which is entirely pointless because I don't have the dedication or talent to make it in any other world either. So fuck it. I'm finishing my history degree and then pursuing an art career. I'll probably never be rich or succesful or happy, but it was even more naive to think that I could've been those things in any other career or field of work. If I'm destined to be a miserable fucking failure I can at least be a miserable fucking failure in something I enjoy. I think I've finally reached a point where the brutal truths of reality and understanding intersect, dreams die and apathy flourishes. I can't hold on to my dreams anymore because they're killing me inside, even though it's depressing to realize your dreams won't come true it's a bit liberating at the same time. I don't know, I just don't have it in me to fight to believe despite the overbearingness of reality.

Sha la la
Let's go